Apply within – No experience required

PC Bobby McPeel /   June 29, 2015 at 8:33 PM 1,553 views

Drizzleshire Constabulary Superintendent recruitment – “The parachute scheme” Position: Police Superintendent Salary: Significantly more than £19k Desired qualities: – The ability to gain 20 years worth of operational policing experience from a 15 month training course. – No understanding of the complex requirements of your local community, nor how to provide round-the-clock policing. – Experience in wielding the axe of redundancy when budgets don’t cover officer salaries. – Outstanding delegation skills for situations where you don’t have a clue what to do. – A complete lack of comprehension of, and insensitivity to the life changing situations the officers under your command deal with on a daily basis. – A ‘can do’ attitude towards the reforms and agendas implemented by those in power. – A proven track record of business management that is not compatible with policing or public sector priorities. We will provide: –  A cosy office within walking  distance of the HQ canteen and far removed from the reality of policing. – A Personal Assistant with more police knowledge than you. – An executive vehicle. Don’t worry you won’t get an underpowered, high mileage, knackered old family hatchback. –  An entire borough of weary and demoralised officers to command. – Access to the best computer software for monitoring non- existent performance targets and shrinking budgets. –  A ‘Policing By Numbers” manual for all your operational needs. – A comprehensive training course in how to deal with ‘role play’ incidents. They are just like the real thing. – A uniform that will never really fit. Applications on a postcard to Drizzleshire Constabulary HQ by the closing date. Courtesy of PC Bobby McPeel

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